RELATIONSHIPS are the crux of life. These are so much mingled with our lives that they actually define it. So, it’s really tough to give a lucid and centered article on this topic. Nevertheless, I feel tempted to respond to this prompt but frankly don’t know where it would lead to.
The relationship is quite distinct from the friendship as in
“Relatives are by chance, Friends are by choice.”
This fact totally dissects the path of these “Ships”. You cannot get in or out of a relation as per your convenience. We might defy it, but some part of life will die along with it. So best practice is, ‘What can’t be cured must be endured’. But easier said than done. Here the quality of endurance makes all the difference. One important fact here that we mostly forget is that none of the parties in a bond is static. Both are constantly calibrating themselves as per their wishes and understanding. So, sometimes, rather mostly, we respond to a person who existed a year back and the person in front of us now has reconstituted himself. And it’s a disaster when the other person is also responding to our old selves. So the key to nurture the bond of relationship is a two pronged approach:
- Being a good listener.
- Conveying one’s thoughts effectively. i.e being in control of the two-way traffic.
To have a better insight into this theory, I would like to classify the relationships into two broad categories:
1.Symbiotic – Where the basic mutual intention is love and care. It seems easy to be into such relations but they do need maintenance by constant nurturing and also protection from envious eyes. Good communication can enrich the lives of both and take them to their highest potentials.
2.Parasitic – Here one of the persons is a sucker (if both are suckers, they will remain apart) who would gobble up all your credits and drain you physically, mentally and emotionally. If you are not alert, your vitality is sucked out. What can be done in such a relationship. Just be aware that the sucker doesn’t cling to you and try to create an invisible wall in between. Beware that you don’t exclude your true friends and family otherwise only you are at a loss and the sucker has won. You need to be tactful and handle it very patiently to turn the tables upon them as the parasites are naturally gifted to ooze the blood out of you. With perseverance, you can also use such a relationship to your own enrichment. One Kabir doha comes to mind here.
निंदक नियरे राखिए, ऑंगन कुटी छवाय।
बिन पानी, साबुन बिना, निर्मल करे सुभाय।।
अर्थ: कबीर दास जी कहते हैं कि व्यक्ति को सदा चापलूसों से दूरी और अपनी निंदा करने वालों को अपने पास ही रखना चाहिए, क्यूंकि निंदा सुन कर ही हमारे अन्दर स्वयं को निर्मल करने का विचार आसकता है और यह निर्मलता पाने के लिए साबुन और पानी कि कोई आवश्यकता नहीं होती है ।
It means that you should keep your critics especially backbiting ones near you and make them comfortable in your home as they wash your nature and character without need of any soap and water. They remove the dirt of flaws from your personality and take your sins upon themselves to make you a pure being. Thus they are actually doing a service to you.
In the end, I would add that nothing is conclusive in this complex matter of relationships. And finally to add something in total contrast to the foregoing,
Ultimately, we only choose our relationships too by the Law of Attraction. The way people join our lives and behave with us is totally defined by ourselves.
So Fix Nothing and Look Within.